Airstaff Left Fuming After Disruptive England Flight

The final 23-man England squad tonight flew to Johannesburg's OR Tambo airport before heading to their World Cup base in Rustenburg amidst a cloud of controversy after numerous complaints were made against the party's behaviour.

Coach Fabio Capello announced the final squad yesterday (Tuesday), cutting the squad down from 30 players. Incredibly-slow-yet-ok-at-football Tom Huddlestone and incredibly-fast-yet-terrible-at-football Theo Walcott were amongst the most high profile exclusions.

However, airport staff were reportedly furious with the behaviour of the squad. Stacy Commons, a check in clerk for British Airways, commented "They just had no respect for anybody. Emile Heskey put Shaun Wright-Phillips on his shoulders and chased Joe Hart around for hours, he couldn't get away from them."

Capello was rumoured to be angered by the players behaviour, but acknowledged that it was inevitable amongst a group of largely twenty-something men, with more money than sense, put on a pedestal by their nations media and largely removed from the real world. The Italian commented through growingly suspect teeth "Sometimes, yes, these things will happen. Can you stop Rio from, how you say, 'merking' one of the quieter lads like Stephen Warnock? I don't think so. It would be like stopping Wayne (Rooney) from uneccesarily launching a torrent of abuse at the referee or linesmen or mascots. It takes away from the player".

Peter Crouch, the Spurs forward that most closely resembles a bicycle frame, was awarded an emergency exit seat to accomodate his gangly limbs. The 6ft 7" frontman that should really be better at heading said "I'm really looking forward to the challenge" adding "I'm just delighted I've been given the chance. If there is a crash landing, I've got the opportunity to prove to the boss, the fans, and most importantly the pilot that I'm the man for the job. It's a great privilege."

Reports that serial bad-egg John Terry sexually assaulted a female member of the cabin crew remain unfounded yet likely.